Ok….

mea culpa

mea culpa

mea maxima culpa

I know I have not posted in over 2 weeks. I have no excuse – I have just been lazy and uninspired – not that my sex life has been that way – it is just that the writer in me has been that way.

I have a three day weekend (sort of) and I will get some posts out so stay tuned.

So, as I mentioned in the previous post, Sunday we had some fun. The culmination of which was MrsKeeper successfully milking me for the first time!

For those of you unfamiliar with the term or practice, Wikipedia has a wonderful beginner article on the how’s, why’s and wherefore’s. I’m not going to go into the details of how to do this, there are plenty of wonderful resources out there which describe how to do this – how do you think we figured it out?

So Sunday, ah Sunday…

MrsKeeper and I were having a nice languid Sunday. We both got up late, lazed around the house, and just relaxed.

I went to church and did some stuff, and MrsKeeper stayed at home working on the garden getting things cleaned up and planted for the spring.

Once I came back in the afternoon, we ended up taking a shower together. We had been in a bit of headspace for the weekend, but nothing hard or heavy. So in the shower, after providing some shower service to MrsKeeper, she had this funny look on her face – kind of screwed up deep in thought. All of a sudden I was told to lay down in the tub, and MrsKeeper got up with each foot on the sides of the tub standing over me. She told me to scoot forward and close my eyes.

I knew at this point what  was coming, so I relaxed and let my imagination view this from the sidelines. In my mind’s eye I could see us as if I were standing next to the tub, and at the same time I could picture her glorious pussy just inches from my forehead. Then she began to pee.

Immediately I began to get hard, as I felt her warm fluid hit my scalp and run down my face and cheeks. I know I was moaning and my dick just kept getting harder. This is unusual for me, I do not normally get an erection from a mental picture alone, 9 times out of 10, I need some kind of physical stimulation to at least get me started – but not this time.

The suddenness of it, the surpise of it, the fact that this came out of her mind without any prompt or previous hint from me – plus the sheer eroticism of her pissing on me – using me, degrading me for her amusement and eroticism – all of it spelled hard on and head space for me.

And this was only the beginning!

We finished off the shower and settled in for the afternoon, reading, watching TV and snacking. I was serving her food, and running all over the house taking care of things for her and sitting and rubbing her feet – one of my favorite activities.

The afternoon turned into evening and MrsKeeper disappeared into the bedroom for a short while – I kept looking at the incipid shows we call entertainment these days. She came out and apparently (I didn’t figure this out till later) dropped our play bag on the floor within easy reach.

Soon after, MrsKeeper called me over to her and had me kneel on the floor on my hands and knees. Off she went to the otherside of the room, music started playing and she started rustling around in the toybag.

She opened with putting a butt plug in – and making sure I was completely stretched, and then proceeded to tan my ass. Canes, flogs, and crops oh my!

Once she had gotten me nice and warmed up, she began to alternate between very painful paddlings and getting me to the edge of orgasm. Hot and cold, on and off – to the point that the pain was so much I couldn’t get an erection, but she could stroke me to the point of orgasm without one! At some point she laid down on the floor in front of me and grabbed my head and jammed my face into her pussy. She would hump my face while cutting off my air. The first time I only lasted 5 seconds, since I wasn’t expecting the breath play – but after that I found my center and used some freediving techniques for holding my breath and got up to 20 to 30 seconds. I don’t think MrsKeeper ever got close to cumming that way, but I do remember she was dripping wet and I seem to remember her grunting in a very feral way  – tre hawt!

Shortly after the paddle swats started making me involuntarily sob after each one connected – MrsKeeper put on some gloves, removed the plug (after some in and out action) and began stretching me anew.

At this point I was bent over with my head on the ground and my ass in the air – I could not care – I was sweating and flying and quivering and in absolute heaven!

She would add another finger and then rotate her hand and send me into near apoplectic fits each time.

She finally settled into rubbing and stroking around my prostate. We have in the past tried to do milking without any success – though one time many months ago I tried it using an aneros and was minorly successful – so I knew it could be done on me. Well once I was able to communicate a little more coherently and direct her to that spot – the only way I can describe it is I get this weird sensation akin to needing to pee – or that feeling just before you do pee – and once she found it to direct her harder or softer.

All of a sudden I felt this release – like I was peeing after holding it in – but I wasn’t bearing down – and I felt this funny feeling of the globs of sperm oozing down my urethra. I was not hard, there were no contractions – and aside from the intense sensation of having four of your Domme’s fingers in your ass – nothing even resembling and orgasm was happening – but there I was dumping a load of cum in the piddle pad laying below my dick.

I was shaking and shivering and half out of it by the time MrsKeeper had extricated her fingers from me and it took a good 10 minutes for me to be somewhat coherent again. Once I had my wits about me, I became aware of something else – I was still horny! I was very horny! I had just had over a tablespoon of cum “milked” from me – but I was still ready to go and capable of having an erection – something MrsKeeper kept confirming over and over for the remainder of the evening.

We were very proud of ourselves – we had tried on several occasions to do milking and we finally figured it out.

I’m not sure how this will be used in our future play – or even if it will be used at all.  I have read accounts where it is used every two weeks on a chastened sub to prevent prostatis (inflammed prostate), since apparently several studies have shown that regular orgasms or regular prostate massage ensures overall prostate health.

For me, I can see how it would certainly be a mind trip. To not be allowed to have an orgasm, but to have the semen milked forcibly from you – keeping you in that horny state but drained at the same time. To be edged over and over and then milked and fed your own semen – while still horny and very compliant. To be turned into a semen production factory – with none of the pleasureable benefits.<Shiver>

All of these scenarios play through my mind – the fantasies abound – and then I come back to my reality. My reality where my Mistress now knows how to do this and knows what kind of effect it does have on me. My reality where I won’t know what will happen next in our relationship – but I do know – my fantasies have come no where close to what my reality has been these last 2 months.

Another blogger made mention recently that he noticed that the more control his wife/Domme gains through experience and the natural evolution of their BDSM relationshhip, the more he notices that it is less and less about him – and more and more about her. About what she wants, and what her fantasies are, about what she wants to do to him and things she wants to try out on him and what she found on the net.

My reality is starting to resemble this – this is becoming more about her and less about me – for the first time in my life I am actually beginning to feel what it is like to be someone’s whim – and not someone who’s fantasies are being fufilled.

And I suprise myself – I want to be her whim – completely.

Ran into a little snag last week. While cleaning my penis after MrsKeeper took off the CB-6000, we noticed two small red spots on the underside of my penis.

After a little reading around on WebMD, I figured out I had the start of a fungal infection. Not the sexiest thing to post about, I know, but in the interest of full disclosure I thought I should make a post about it.

Read on if you want to know more….

The spots didn’t hurt, but anything out of the ordinary I am on top of pretty quick - the penis may no longer belong to me, but I am still pretty attached to it  

WebMD was very helpful, and that combined with my previous research I was able to figure out pretty quickly what I had. For those of you reading this who have never worn one of these, the cage can stay pretty moist inside. Water left over from a shower, urine residue from the last time you peed, and just normal moisture expiration from your skin, all contribute to the jungle-like atmosphere inside. And like a soldier in the jungle, you have to watch out for jungle rot – fungus.

Many people have posted that by using a hair dryer after your shower to dry things out is helpful if one is prone to this – well it would appear that I am, so I think I will be purchasing a new hair dryer in the very near future.

So, once I figured out what they were, I went into the medicine cabinet to find the anti-fungal cream. I found some which is made for athlete’s food (same kind of thing – fungal infection) and applied it to the penis.

After discussing the situation with MrsKeeper, she decided to trust me and let me go without the CB-6000 until things were on the mend. So I spent all day Thursday and Friday, out of her sight without the CB on – the first time since we began this in early January.

Thursday was fairly uneventful, things were busy at work and I had a good amount of things to keep my attention and me occupied. Friday, however, was a completely different story.

After MrsKeeper left for work in the morning (she has a longer commute than I do, so she leaves 30 minutes before I do) I immediately was aware of the fact that the cage was off, I was alone and the computer was in the other room. That was the opening salvo, from my libido to start the day.

There were to be more to follow, in fact, for the remainder of the day I was acutely aware of my groin and the lack of equipment surrounding it.

Part of me wanted to grab a hold and jerk off like a pubescent teenager – but there was the other part that was certainly going to fess up if I did. Even with that knowlege I still had a day.

I never did misbehave and am proud of that. The was plenty of temptation, but my willpower and resolve held firm (helped by a healthy dose of fear of what would have happened had I f*cked it up). In some ways it was an interesting test for me, and I imagine that the more time I was out of it, the harder it would have been to keep my hands off. Not sure if I want that kind of test right now anyway.

The weekend was very calm in comparison to the previous two weekends. We stayed in for the most part, venturing out once on Saturday to hang out with some friends. Sunday I went to church for some volunteer work. On the whole the weekend was very calm and quiet – until Sunday evening…

Details up and cumming – I will post later in a post all about milking – can you guess what she did to me?

On another note – the next couple of days will see more frequent postings. I have several drafts which I mentioned in my last post, and I will be getting them out today and tomorrow.

Cheers!

P.S. The spots are almost healed up. This morning (Monday) MrsKeeper told me to put on the CB – no inquiries, no questions, just the order. In some kind of weird daze (can’t explain it) I went and put it on and presented myself to her to put the lock on. She looked me in the eyes and “click” went the lock, still in a daze of sorts I told her thank you and proceeded to have a massive erection (or as much of one, one can have in a CB-6000) for the next 10 minutes. I smeared the anti-fungal creme all inside the cage and made sure to apply some directly to the two areas. More than likely we will continue to leave it off while I am in her presence until we are sure that everything is completely healed.

Hey folks!

 Sorry I have not given an update lately – but life has been getting in the way. After I get past this weekend, things should calm down a little for me.

 I have several posts in draft format right now, and I have a fun little party that I and MrsKeeper are going to Friday night (promises to be all kinds of kinky fun!).

I have seen that there are several of you who have hooked into my RSS feed – I want to thank you for your interest! And the same goes to all of you who have been reading my blog – it really helps to know that I am not talking to the interweb ether out there.

 If you see something you like, or something you don’t like, or you want to ask a question, or just say hi – please leave me a comment. I am new to blogging, and to writing in general – I am enjoying it immensely, but I would love to have some criticism, encouragement and all round moral support if you can give it.

Hope you have a wonderful week, and stay tuned! I promise you will get some updates next week.

Until then – Cheers!

Oh yeah – to help all you readers out there find your voice, here is a little meme to get you started:

Question: What famous person would you want to top or bottom to?

My answer:

Angelina Jolie – because I read somewhere that she was kinky (back in the Billy Bob days) – and just look at her – you know she knows her way around a riding crop – yum! 

Those of you who have been reading my blog may have noticed, that back on the post entitled “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly”, MrsKeeper decided to leave me a comment (Thanks Honey!). In it she mentioned that this time around she had been giving some thought to fantasies she has had regarding us in a Master / slave relationship.For those of you who don’t know, this is kind of the deepest one can go in BDSM culture. An M/s relationship (IMHO) is one of those know what you are getting yourself into situations. In fact, it is so deep / committed / significant to me, I have NEVER even given thought or consideration to it in the 15 years I have been into BDSM, never.So to even be thinking in this realm is new territory for me – scary territory – but oddly enough once I get past the incredible hotness of the idea and the intense fear of giving up every bit of control, I am left trying to get my head wrapped around just what we are talking about.

We have both been in the public BDSM scene for many years, and both of us know, personally, several long term M/S couples. I understand the philosophy of the M/S relationship. The concept that one no longer has a “safe word” to code out a scene. That is my understanding of one of the main differences between a D/s and a M/s relationship; however, when I try to think in a more mundane, day to day manner of what would be different – I draw a blank. Its kind of embarrassing. But then again, it is something, for me at least, that has been something “other people” do. I really mean it when I say I have never ever thought about getting into this with someone. Now, it fills my thoughts – and I have to say the thoughts intrigue me and turn me on.
Through this short time of exploration, I have figured out that some of my deepest fantasies can actually, when aggregated, be seen as a desire for an owner, to be seen as property.
e.g.: One of my fantasies is to be a sex toy to my Dominant. To be something which you pull out of the closet, strap to the bed, feed the little blue pill to (yes I’m talking about Viagra) and use to their heart’s content and then leave to go do something else, putting me up when they feel like it. In the same genre, same setting, I am the “party favor”. Blind folded, and in a side room strapped as before and available to use as the guests see fit. Want to see what it is like fucking someone with a strapon – use the toy. Want to try out his trained tongue, have a seat. Want to try pissing on someone – pull out the plastic and have at it. Don’t worry about it – it doesn’t have a say, nor do we care even if it did.You get the idea – these are hot fantasies to me. Granted getting used by a room full of people is the fantasy of many people – but when I examine my motivation behind it – I find this deep desire to be owned, to be property, to be inconsequential to the decision making process of what I am used for.
This requires an incredible amount of trust – and it is for this reason, why I have not even contemplated this kind of commitment with anyone before. It is also why I feel it is the deepest one can go, relationship-wise, in BDSM.
We are discussing the idea right now. Both of us are very aware that it has only been a month and a half since we switched, and are focusing more on ironing out the details of our D/s relationship first – perhaps even making it more permanent with a collar or even a collaring ceremony. MrsKeeper has hinted here and there, but nothing definite yet.As time goes on and both of us talk to people we know in this kind of relationship, I think our perspectives will certainly sharpen, and I look forward to posting here the details as things develop.
I am certainly interested in what my readership on this blog has to say – what is your understanding of the difference between Dominant / submissive vs. Master / slave?

Wow, where to begin….

Well, after work Monday evening, I came home and figured I was still in the dog house from Sunday (read The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly for details) and figured I needed to be on my best behavior if my dick was to see the light of day any time soon. So I made sure that when I got home, my mind was already working out what I was going to make for dinner, how I was going to pay attention to MrsKeeper and make myself generally available and submissive. This is fairly normal for me – I am still working on my general submissive mindset – but that evening was extra important, because I wanted her to see that I really did understand the lesson from Sunday night.

So I got naked and greeted MrsKeeper in the usual way, and then went into the kitchen to start dinner. We talked, I cooked and at some point Mistress looked down and said “why don’t we take your cage off” and then looked directly in my eyes and added, “but don’t think you’re getting any play tonight”. I nodded, and honestly was just happy to have the cage off for the evening.

Got the cage off, and immediately went to go wash up (after a 2 days or more a proper cleaning is definitely in order), and MrsKeeper followed me in to watch me while I washed up in the tub.

I must say, one of the things which has surprised / impressed me about MrsKeeper’s owning my chastity, is just that – she owns it.

When we first started talking about chastity play (before the switch) I made mention that I really was looking forward to not having to worry about keeping from masturbating. You see, I have a high sex drive, and have pretty much since puberty (around 8-9) been masturbating at least once a day, sometimes up to 7 or 8 times a day if I was really horny and had the time to myself. Even when being sub to MrsKeeper and on orgasm denial I would still touch myself without permission and sneak in some masturbation (I would never try to cum in those circumstances, but on rare occasion I would have an oopsie). I wouldn’t call it a compulsion, but I was pretty close to it.

MrsKeeper and I both have very open and progressive attitudes toward sex, but even so, the fact I would get up in the morning and toss one off while she slept, bothered her. Not particularly because I was masturbating, but the frequency of it, and the fact I would do it while she was in the house, bothered her. In addition, she was not pleased with the disrespect of not following her orders when I was sub previously. (I know it will be a little redundant, but in a future post I will go deeper into the why’s, wherefor’s and results of my chastity).

The upshot of all this is - as I said – she owns it. She takes her keyholding seriously – more serious than any other BDSM play we have done to date. Because of that, I am not out of her sight, except for brief moments, with the cage off. And I’ll be honest, the thought to stroke is there and does cross my mind, it certainly takes some willpower to resist. That and the fact I do not know what she would do if she caught me; but I do know it would be bad and take a long time to undo.

So after the quick rinse off, we went and had some dinner and watched TV on the couch reclining.

After dinner MrsKeeper reached over and began to play with her cock (the one attached to me ). Now, at this point, she definitely had my attention, but she does this most of the time I am out anyway – in a way her cock is her worry stone – she’ll reach out and play with it just because its there.

Well of course I got hard pretty quickly, and leaned back in the recliner as it began to really feel good. She quickly brought me to my first edge – always the best one IMHO, and I was beyond suprised and elated.

Quickly she brought me to my second, third and fourth – I don’t remember time, but I bet it was no longer than 5 minutes. At this point, she excused herself and went into the bedroom. Meanwhile I lay panting on the couch.

She returned with a bottle of lube – it was at this point I knew I was in for it. MrsKeeper rarely uses lube – unless it is going to be a particularly hard T&D (tease and denial) session.

She slowly poured the lube into her hands, and I, at this point, was harder than I have ever been (at least it seemed that way!) She grabbed me with both hands and began stroking up and down. I groaned and she slowly brought me up to the edge of orgasm. Once there, she began stroking slowly, only on upstrokes, and kept me there, right on the edge of orgasm. I was in heaven!

Then she changed and stroked only on the down-stroke, keeping me on the edge. Then she stopped, let me cool down, and grabbed hard and quickly brought me to orgasm edge. After 5 or 6 times I was babbling like a fool. (Seriously, I have this image in my head of being slack jawed, eyes rolling into the back of my head, and incoherent. I think the only thing missing was a little drool to complete the picture.)

It was at this point, things begin to get hazy. The edgings seem to run together, and I began to loose track of time. I do know that for a good while (4-5 minutes I guess) I remember her slowly stroking on that million dollar money spot, the one just underneath the frenum, and keeping me on the bleeding edge of orgasm the entire time. It was at this point I remember thinking that I couldn’t take it anymore – problem was all I could do was pant and squeak “oh god!” on occasion. It made her giggle.

Closer and closer to orgasm but never crossing the line – until finally she rubbed and I said “Mistress!” (my cue that I am there on the edge) and she stroked a couple more past and pushed me slightly over. As I began to fall off the edge off the precipice and into the abyss of orgasm, MrsKeeper quickly clamped one thumb down hard on the top closing off my urethra, and with the other hand she pressed down on my urethra just below the head. The orgasm washed over me as I felt the pressure in my groin increase and then the orgasm kind of stopped. I had the contractions (in fact about triple the normal), but no satisfaction, no delicious release. It just kind of hurt, not in a bad way, more of an uncomfortable way. It did not feel good.

Once the contractions subsided, MrsKeeper slowly let go and a small jet of precum mixed with a little cum, shot and dribbled out the end of my cock. The total volume was about a teaspoon (my normal volume is about a tablespoon – without denial). I was still mostly hard and though I had some sense of relief (I think more because the scene was over) I was still horny as hell, and I had a minor ache from blue balls.

MrsKeeper was elated! She had ruined the orgasm completely.

Soon after MrsKeeper said we needed to get ready for bed and told me to go get the CB-6000 on. That was one of the hardest things I have had to do to date. I was horny, tired and putting that CB back on at that moment was not sexy, it was not fantasy fulfilling – it was subjugating.

In hindsight, it was furthter confirmation of how serious she is about controlling me – and that is sexy. It is one piece of an overall tapestry of Dominance and submission that I crave and desire – that turns me on to no end. But at that moment in time, that act of washing and putting the chastity belt back on – that was one of the more difficult things I have had to do to date, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. At that moment I felt like owned property – that she had finished playing with her toy, and now it needed to be cleaned up and put away. In fact, the next day she did tell me that that session was more experimentation and exploration of technique than doing a scene on me.

The matter of factness, the impression of cold calculating experimentation, the sense of property and ownership she gave and gives me – that is the most powerful headspace I have EVER been in – and I love every last bit of it.

{N.B. I have been working on this post for a couple of days now. I apologise for the delay, but I have needed this time to process that evening – it was very powerful, and I have needed some time to process all the things and emotions that came out of it. I have some other posts in draft for that will probably get finished as the week ends. So keep an eye out here, and thanks for reading – I cannot tell you how cool it is to see the numbers and stats of this blog keep climbing! It really gives me a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.

P.S. Don’t hesitate to comment – even if it is to say hi – all feedback is greatly appreciated!}

Three things to report from the weekend – a little out of order from the title, but you will understand shortly:

The Good:

Saturday we had a very full day and had a very full evening planned. I had gotten home around 4:30 in the afternoon and helped MrsKeeper get the groceries and stuff in and put up. At that point she decided that we needed to take a nap (we had plans to go out with friends Saturday evening and were going to be out late).

I was already naked (except for the chastity belt) and finished up in the kitchen while she went to the bedroom to get ready for our nap. When I got in there MrsKeeper had that look in her eyes and she said “since we are taking a nap I think I would like you out of the cage.”

This meant that I was going to be let out of the cage for the nap time, but since I cannot be unlocked out of her direct supervision, I was going to have my hands restrained while I napped with her.

A couple weeks back, MrsKeeper while trying to figure out how to enjoy having me cuddle up behind her without the cage getting in the way while we slept, came up with restraining my hands with the sport sheets. It is a bit uncomfortable for me since my movement is very restricted, but it takes a good deal of movement and noise on my part to get out of them, so she gets to sleep with my crotch pressed up against her butt and she does not have to worry about my hands straying where they shouldn’t during the nap.

Well, once locked in, the need for a nap seemed to disappear for MrsKeeper, and she decided it was time to torture the subbie. (I was crestfallen – let me tell you

With the cage off, I was already in my perma-dick state (partially from not having had an orgasm for almost a week now, and partly from having taken my horny goat weed supplement earlier), she began to stroke up and down slowly but firmly. Almost instantaneously I was hard and writhing on the bed. Moaning as she slowly brought me up to the edge of orgasm, she firmly clamped her hand down on my mouth as she raked her nails up my perineum.

She took her time and slowly brought me up to the edge of orgasm – it was the best feeling I have ever felt. She continued to leisurely bring me to the edge of orgasm, and then stop – let it subside a little and repeat. Then she reached over to her side of the bed and pulled out her vibrator – the hitachi magic wand. This thing plugs into the wall, and I groaned the second I saw what she was doing. I have a love / hate relationship with this thing. It can make me delirious with ectasy – but it also can make me delerious with desperation as well (all with silight effort from Mistress).

Mistress began on the low setting and brought me to the edge 6 or seven times before figuring out the right pressure needed to keep me right on the edge continuously without break. I slowly went from oh god, oh god – to incoherant moaning and shuddering. I could have sworn at one point I was slack jawed and drooling – all I remember was Mistress’ giggle and glee at my state. At one point she made the comment that the pre-cum was coming out the tip of my dick in a constant stream.

I honestly do not remember parts of that little scene – I do not know how long it lasted either. I remember her stopping and I momentarily passed out (kindof like that micro-sleep you can have post orgasm?). I remember coming to, Mistress was laying next to me on the bed, and I heard the vibrator going – I was still restrained. I turned my head and saw that she was masturbating with the vibrator she had just used on me. I saw the tell-tale signs of her working up to a good orgasm and just as she started to cum, suddenly she rolled off the bed and stood up grabbing her crotch.

I was awake now. Not able to help because of the restraints I asked if she was ok, and she said “I just peed while cumming.”

Into the bathroom she went to clean up – and I called out to her “Are you sure?” Well long story short – she didn’t pee – she squirted. My Wife / Domme, for the first time in her life, squirted while having an orgasm after torturing me and while fantasising about hurting me. If there is such a thing as subbie pride – I am still swelled with it.

Afterwards, Mistress came in and wiped the puddle of pre-cum I had left on my belly and promptly curled up next to me and we both slept the satisfied sleep of the dead.

The Ugly:

So Sunday comes around and I head out to church. Mistress stayed behind and caught up on sleep. Once services were over I came home to find Mistress out on errands and a list of chores I needed to get done.

Ah-ha! Thinks I, here is an opportunity to please my Mistress and put myself into subbie land

So I strip down, and begin working my way through the list. I had just started to clean out the fridge when Mistress came home, and so she helped my by holding the trash bag and “encouraging” me as I worked. I was on my knees, naked, with my head in the fridge cleaning off the shelves, while Mistress would reach over and slap my ass or tickle my crack, or just tease in general – it was fun.

Once all the chores were done, we had our dinner while watching tv, I thought for sure we were going to be having some tease fun for the evening. I was horny from the play earlier, and from the horny goat weed supplement I had been instructed to take – so I was already not thinking with the head I should have been thinking with.

At one point, I pleadingly looked at Mistress and asked if she was going to let me out of the cage for the evening, and with a sweet motherly look she said “Not tonight, I don’t want you to think you are going to get out every time you ask.” I was immediately turned on (more) when those words escaped from her mouth – the control was palpable – all with a smile on her face. At the same time I felt dissapointed, because I felt I had worked hard to get my chores done, and make myself useful to her around the house. Disappointment is fine – what was ugly was the fact that I pouted and then tried to hide it from her.

I didn’t actively think – “I’ll pout and get her to pay attention to me” – but that is the way my behavior came across, and I now see and understand that – I didn’t however at the time. Which leads us to …

The Bad:

After watching TV for a while we started getting ready to go to bed (by this point I had already resigned myself to the fact that we were not going to be doing anything play-like for the evening), I went into the bed room and saw that the sheets had been aranged to allow the sport sheets to be exposed (we keep the sport sheet under the regular sheets for easy access) at the foot of the bed.

Mistress came up behind me and in a very stern voice told me to lay off the end of the bed and get confortable. “Oh goody thought I, I get some play after all” – I am shaking my head right now at how completely clueless I was to what I had been doing and what was about to happen as a result.

After getting me positioned and restrained, my torso stretched on the bed, and my legs off the bed, my ass exposed; Mistress began by using a cane on my ass – but without much warmup. I was actually saying ow, confused at this point – this was not fun!

It was at this point that Mistress, began (between smaks and swats) explaining to me that pouting was not appropriate behavior, and that when asked by her what was wrong, my answer that nothing was wrong, made her upset. She did not appreciate that I was in essence lying to her – she could see me pout and read me like a book – and I the clueless subbie was wallowing ignoring my behavior and making her evening less than enjoyable.

I feel like an ass still.

Mistress, preceeded to punish me – not harshly, but the combination of the sharp pain and the embarressment of disappointing her so – well, I now know better.

Mistress, has forgiven me and I know she does not hold a grudge – but I am still amazed at how I acted and didn’t even clue in to how it was affecting her.

I am very greatful to Mistress for the punishment. It was not fun – I did not get any pleasure from it at all. Today, I can say I did get pleasure from the overall act, simply because it represents the progression of our relationship and evidence that Mistress does care greatly for me and especially for our relationship, that in the midst of her displeasure she acted to correct me and help me become the better husband and sub I desperately want to be.

I want and desire to be a good husband and submissive – and I now know for certain that what I do and how I do it are what my Wife / Mistress wants – that she will correct me if I don’t. That she really does see our D/s as something worthy of her effort and guidance.

I now know that this is all about her – and that she is going to make sure it continues to be all about what she wants to do.

I am a lucky, loved and happy submissive husband.

“Be careful what you wish for, you might get what you want”

This phrase is often quoted on chastity boards to remind people that the reality of chastity play is usually very different than the fantasy of it. I have been giving some thought recently, to my BDSM fantasies of late and how this statement really has been applying to me lately. In fact, the fact that one of the number one fantasies (enforced chastity) has become a reality, has forced me to examine my other fantasies more critically, and what I find myself considering, frankly scares me.

e.g. One of the things that MrsKeeper figured out a while back, was that when she teased me, I would get to a point of being turned on where pain and pleasure were indistinguishable to my body and mind. Point of fact, when edging me she can begin smacking my balls, with ever increasing intensity, and I get harder and more turned on. It still hurts, but the pain of it urges my libido further and I get more turned on as a result. So much so that she has to be careful, because I can cum from her hitting my balls alone – I know, surprised the hell out of me too.

Since we switched at the beginning of the year, there have been a couple of occasions where she has been doing this to me and in my reverie I find myself fantasizing about her really hitting me hard. Hard enough to double me over in pain, kneeing me in the groin and dropping me to the floor. Tying me up and just hitting me over and over in the balls till I cum, pass out, throw up or code out. These are scary fantasies, especially since I have NEVER even thought of doing this kind of play, let alone had it done to me.

Another fantasy which scares me and I find myself thinking about more and more, is the fantasy of real, long term enforced chastity. I’m not talking about the 1 to 2 weeks of denial we have been playing with recently. That is fun, and titilating and incredible. That reality has also been a life changing experience (for the better) for me. {NB: That will be the topic of a post to come in the future, I was thinking of including it here, but this post is long enough as it is -lsb}

My experience with enforced chastity play has been so good in fact, I find myself reading about and wishing for longer and longer time in the belt without orgasm – without even touching my own penis without supervision,, for weeks and months at a time. This scares a part of me – there is a part of me that screams out “But you want orgasms – you can’t really want to go without” or “you’re crazy, you can’t handle going that long, you’re balls will explode.” Yet I find the thought of it still intriguing.

Earlier this week, I had a revelation that really and truly I wanted to be turned on all the time, that I wanted to be teased mercilessly so that my will and desire are completely focused on my wife / Mistress. When I cum, that goes away for a little while – don’t get me wrong, the orgasm is wonderful – but even when it is happening, just as I am about to have a blow my head off its so good orgasm, I still feel this slight pang of disappointment.

Disappointment that I am going to have a day or so of not feeling incredibly horny, that my drive and focus to serve and be devoted to my Mistress is somehow diminished, that she said yes you may cum, rather than no, or something to ruin it. Mind you this disappointment is only split second momentary, then the orgasm washed over me and I remember why I like orgasms so much. But that split second scares me, the fact that even at that pivotal moment where my horniness is at its peak, just before reaching that promised land, that my psyche actually has something that rebels and actually wants desperately to be denied, that wants to have that orgasm ruined in some way, that something inside me does not want that release. At the time, the thought is hot, but in the aftermath I am scared that that part of me exisits. Maybe I worry that that is really what I want – that I really do want to be the slave who is constantly controlled by his sexuality and libido, that I truly want nothing more than to be utterly devoted to my Mistress, with no thought of my own desire. That I really don’t want to play on the weekends – that I want to be my wife’s slave… for ever.

“Be careful what you wish for….”

<shiver>

So in the last post I ended with the way I was going to approach this – and not f*ck things up. If this is news to you, then perhaps you should read Part 1 here.

We received the box, and after looking things over my wife asked if I wanted to try it on? uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh!

Tried it on, and of course had to wait till I got soft again – a little too excited

Messed with the spacers, and the rings and ended up with the biggest ring and the smallest spacer.

I had, as I mentioned in the previous post, spent some time reading various boards and blogs talking about how to get through this initial phase of wearing it. So from that, I can pass on some of the ideas and tricks that have been useful to me:

1. Go slowly – I cannot stress enough how important this is. My wife was the one who slowed me down and stretched out the fitting for a week or so, and I am VERY thankful she did.
2. Go to the drug store and buy a box of cheap knee high stocking hose – cut off the top part (the open end) and put it over your dick before you put on the cage portion of the CB-6000. Pull the toe end through the slit in the end of the cage, and seat the cage on the guide pins. Gently and slowly pull the stocking out the end and your dick will be properly seated in the cage. If your skin is a little stretched, a Q-Tip will help pull it back toward you a little. I tried lube (very messy), and other ways (painful etc) – and the stocking worked every time.
3. Lube your scrotum! I cannot tell you how important this is. You will read on boards, people who complain of a fierce burning sensation in their scrotum. This comes from the skin not being able to move past the ring. I use A&D ointment which is essentially Vaseline with some vitamin a and d added. It is long lasting, easily absorbed by your skin and most importantly keeps your scrotum moving throughout the day. Note this is only for your balls – not your penis.
4. Lube the head of your dick – a tiny tiny barely there amount of a high quality silicone lube on a QTip – smear it around the head portion of the cage and the head of your dick, after you are locked in. It does not look like any is there, but trust me it is there and plenty of it. Too much and you will get the funk pretty quickly.
5. QTips are your friend – you use it to apply, adjust, move skin in and out and out of the way. They are indespensible- buy a couple of boxes of the paper stick kind – and a small box of the wooden stick kind (gotta look around, they are harder to find). The wood ones are stronger and give you more leverage when moving things and skin around inside the cage.

So we spent the week getting me used to it. Each time she was the one who asked if I wanted to do some more (that was the hardest part – letting her set the pace - but I succeeded). The first time was for an hour or so. The next time a couple days later was for 3 hours or so. The next day it was for the evening. Next it was for the day – got to take a nap in it. The next day I wore it all day, and slept the night in it and took a shower with it as well. All went well – the above tips are the product of that week.

All during this time, I was not actually locked into the device. I had it on and the lock kept it in place, but the lock remained open. At first I was disappointed. But it let me become used to the CB-6000 without having any pressure of being a submissive wanting to please his Mistress.

Finally, a week had gone by and MrsKeeper asked if I was ready to try it out for real. OMG – my heart actually quickened for a second and suddenly my inner-monologue kicked in:

“I’m going to get locked in this time”

“But what if it doesn’t fit right”

“You’ve been doing that for the last week and not had any problems”

“I can’t wait to be locked in”

“But this is scary – this is for real”

“What have I asked for?”

“This is what I want to do, no I need this.”

Suddenly I was back in the room with my wife and said – definitely.

So, into the bathroom we went. I had been imagining this for a week, this event – the first time I was going to be locked in. Slowly I fitted the ring and slid the guide pin assembly from the back, then the matching holding plate from the front. Next came the locking guide pin and the spacer. My hands were actually trembling. Nervously I looked around and grabbed the kneehigh stocking and fitted it around my dick – I think I actually was distracted because I had only swelled a little by this point. Feed the tip of the stocking through the tip of the cage, pull and “slip” in I go into the CB. I get the cage securely on and hold the cage out so my wife can fit the lock.

At this point, I start to stir and swell slightly, I can feel the cage tighten. My heart is beating fast enough to actually made me a little dizzy. She fiddles with the lock getting it in the locking guide pin, and she pauses with her hand on the lock, poised to lock it in place. She looks up into my eyes, and says, “I want you to ask me to do this.” Immediately the words come from my mouth, “Mistress pleace lock me in”. For the first time, I see a small smile and a glint in her eye for a split second (I will later see this look longer in duration, and higher in frequency) as she pushes the lock against the cage and me. I actualy hear a slight “click” and feel a momentary vibration from that click in the cage.

It is done – I am actually locked in a chastity belt – I have no way to take it off - she is now the person who will dictate how, when and where my sexuality will be used.

Within 30 seconds I was slightly hunched over. I had grown immediately hard… at least as hard as you can get in a CB-6000 chastity belt.

For me, that means I am pressed hard against the cage, the tip of my foreskin (I’m uncut, by the way) being pushed out the end of the cage; the CB is being pushed by the rest of my erection under my groin, away from my body, causing my scrotum to be stretched and my balls pushed tight as they are unable to slip past the cage and the ring. This actually is pretty uncomfortable.

My wife, recognising this position for the previous week, begins to laugh and giggle, as if to ask “Did I do that?”

She actually said, “Does the poor baby need to be let out?”

I told her that I was going to be ok, I just needed to let it subside.

“Good, because I wasn’t going to let you out anyway,” and walked out of the bathroom.

I doubled over again.

God, I love this woman!

(To be continued in pt3)